BEING ASSERTIVE

 

Most of the time you end up living your life according to other people's whims. You are lead by irrational beliefs like sacrificing your own principles and comfort for the betterment of humanity is noble (!). Ofcourse helping others is a noble cause for living. But this should not be done at the cost of your life.

Discomfort uneasiness and frustration start building up when you fail to draw lines, set limits, speak up or forget to say No to other people and situations.

The important thing to remember is: "Don't Say Yes when you want to say no!"

Are you Assertive? Take the Test

Types Of Assertiveness Problems:

Now you know what are your Assertiveness Problems.Classify you specific behaviors into following categories:

     

  1. Timid Personality: You are shy and even say sorry for mistakes committed by others!

     

     

  2. Lack of Effective Communication: If the communication is inapproprate, dishonest or indirect, you will not be able to assert yourself positively.

     

     

  3. Split Assertive Personality: At some situations assertive, while at others timid or aggressive. Say, at office and at home.

     

     

  4. Behavioral Drawbacks: Stage fear, fear of confrontation, failure to make eye contact.

     

     

  5. Interfering habits: You interfere where you are not needed, hence cannot express yourself.

     

The First steps in becoming assertive is:

 

Respect yourself and others. The best test to know whether you have been assertive in a particular situation is to analyze whether your response has helped in improving your self-esteem. If the answer is a firm 'Yes', then you were assertive.

 

 

Express your needs and rights in a direct, honest and helpful way.

 

 

Defend your own rights at any cost: For this, you should be conversant with basic human rights:

 

       

    1. You have the right to do anything legal without hurting others or infringing on others'rights.

       

       
    2. You can maintain your dignity and integrity even if has to hurt someone, as long as you have acted in an assertive, not aggressive manner.

       

       
    3. You have the right to make a request of another person, recognizing the fact that he/she has the right to say no to you.

       

       
    4. You must realize that there are certain problem areas in human relations while dealing with other people and you are duty bound to discuss the problem to clarify it.

       

       
    5. You have the right to ask for and attain your basic human rights at any cost. Do not pledge this to others!

       

ASSERTIVENESS TRAINING

A basic question you have to ask yourself is:"What can be done now to change me into an assertive personality" rather than "Why do I behave like this?"

Right from childhood we have been trained to be timid souls at the cost of our human rights, thus:

'Be a good boy, obey your elders without question'

'A friend in need is a friend indeed' (Indeed you have to help your friend in distress, but not by plunging yourself into distress!)

'Timidity' is the virtue of soul

Service to Humanity (forgetting self) is the best work of life.

We have to learn to shrug off these irrational (at times) behavioral suggestions and practice assertiveness:

     

  1. Roll up your sleeves and make positive effort to become Assertive: Use imagery technique to visualize yourself acting in an assertive manner both verbally and non verbally.

     

     
  2. Role-Play: Take up special situations where you have to be assertive and act assertively. Pair up with your friends and relatives, often reversing the roles. When you are role playing, use relaxation techniques to be calm

     

     
  3. Broken Record techniques: Try repeating "No" in specific situations. Recognize the difference between the negative approach and positive no.

     

     
  4. Fogging Technique: Though not a direct method, with some people, fogging the issue, indirectly hinting at it works better.

     

     
  5. Practice saying No infront of mirror and imagined situations

     

     
  6. Learn to accept criticism. When you interact with other people, always remember that your are being evaluated and judged by them.

     

     
  7. Silence: The best policy when you are faced with irrational people. Best to avoid argument.

     

 

To order an audiocassette on Assertiveness Training and Relaxation Methods,order here:

 

 

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